Sunday, July 11, 2010

I got in a fight with Poppa today. He was passing through and said something to Abbie about how she was putting the recycling straight in the box so she could fit more in there. I was joking around and messed up all the papers so they were going all different directions. He didn't think it was funny apparently because he grabbed the box, dumped all the papers on me, threw the box at me and said "now pick it all up and do it right" and went out to the garage. I seriously didn't know what to say because he hasn't acted like that towards me for so long. I started to pick them up and turned to my sister and said No way am I letting him get away with that. I went out to the garage and said "Seriously, what the fuck is your problem? It was a joke!" And then I started sobbing because we've had such a great relationship for the past few years and I just didn't know how to handle him reacting to me like that.
He could see how much he'd upset and my dropped everything he was doing to come over and try to calm me down. He tried to hug me and I told him I didn't want to hug him or talk to him if he was going to act like that. He apologized and told me how he was just so tired. I can see it in his face, his eyes, the way he moves slowly the weekends when he's home. He's happy to be back at work but the things he has to do are so hard on his body. I worry so much, every single day, that all this hard work is going to take it's final toll on him and that'll be the end. It terrifies every little bit of me, down to the core.

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