Thursday, June 30, 2011

i love that i write here still.
considering no one gives a fuck.
just like with everything else
involving me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

I’m convincing myself I’m nauseous and therefore can’t eat because I’ll throw up at work. I’m chewing and spitting. I’ve got so much thinspo on my phone it’s not even funny. I’m planning meals and workouts every single morning. Going to the gym and then working out more at home.

I’m so mad at myself. I said I was going to do this HEALTHY.
there is nothing healthy about what I’m doing.
I know I need help before this goes too far again but I’m still too fat.

Why is it impossible for me to find balance with anything in my life?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I am so sick

of how utterly boring my life has gotten.
I leave the house to work and that's it.
I do nothing with my friends
and I don't believe that any one of them is terribly upset by that fact.
I am disgustingly large and out of shape.

My life is boring and uninteresting.
I would do anything to have people miss me and care about me like they used to.
I can feel myself getting ready to fall back to old habits.
And I am not concerned at all.