Tuesday, March 17, 2009

i am not a material girl

Robert Donald Miller, Sr
March 4, 1921 - February 22, 2009

Grandpa died a few hours after that last entry.

I'll never learn that material things don't make me happy.

I bought the camera of my dreams. I'm still sinking. Even quicker than before, I think.
The problem is that when I get depressed like this, I get easily bored.
I crave change in all aspects of my life.
My clothes, my hair, my style, my weight, my friends, guys.
I don't want a relationship or even just one guy.
I want to change that as much as possible.

I don't know what to do now.
There's this boy that I like (liked?).
We were taking it slow.
But now, it's too slow.
Now, I'm bored.
I want to change.
I still like him though. That's the problem.
It's just me trying to convince myself that I don't
so I can keep self-destructing.

I have a perfect opportunity for that this weekend.
And I really want to use that opportunity to my greatest benefit.

At this point, I really don't care.
About anything at all really.

I hate myself so much when I get like this.

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